calamity lights
by januarylightsphere
Summary: the world begins, pauses and ends - or the things that will never change - Belarus/Lithuania/Vietnam. Natalya/Toris/Lien.


**disclaimer:** i only play with a world of someone else, but it turns out pretty well. SO EVEN THE AU ISN'T MINE WHAT -

please read String Quartet by xxkaiistarxx (part 1) to understand this AU better. You have been told. in short, belarus is queen, lithuania is a knight and vietnam is a huntress. WHEN WILL I COME BACK TO THE CANON WORLD.

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 _My ground is turning,_

 _I keep burning everything_

 _\- adele, keep burning_

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the world begins when i know who you are and you know who i am, and i know where we're going. there are a million and one words about pain, and the one that cuts my insides is called insanity — but i don't know why you have never looked at me for who i am and i think i have forgotten where we are going and what i am doing here. i don't know who i am now, let alone who i am without you. i don't understand why things had to turn out this way — the thrones, the power, the rebellion, the betrayal — so all i can imagine saying to myself if i am allowed to speak my wishes is _let me take you to the place where it won't hurt anymore._ let me take you there and keep you safe and i promise we will still conquer dreams beyond galaxies because we were meant to do. there is nothing else, we are nothing but desperate soul that fight until our last breaths, to stay alive. but even if you want to do this alone, even if you do not need me, please please let me stay by your side and be the constant presence you need, please do not tell me to go away because who am i without you?

(a knight without wishes)

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the world ends when i beg _if anything happens to me promise me you will protect the queen_ and i get the reply that _i am a hunter i will not be bound to anyone_ (what a lie you say, i know you will do it for me because i am your friend). if i had been aware of how things were going to become, i would have laughed about it or told jokes about the future where my brother would fall in love with your sister and you would have kicked me but agreed on the happy-ever-after. i know they can live in a world like this — and it's all because of you - you and your will of iron and heart of gold, not me, since i gave up too soon while you still refuse to stop. you will never let go, i'm sure and i know it's killing you slowly so i wish i had had the courage to hold your hands and tell you to stop blaming yourself — you have done your best, no one has the rights to blame you —- except i didn't and now i know what regrets taste like. i try to remember the time when we could have been more than what we were (were we something, or nothing?), when you looked at me into the eyes and said _i trust you_ even though you didn't and we never believed in each other. it's my regret, really, because i don't want to close my eyes when all we have is a lie. but who am i to defy the inevitable? i smile and say — _i care about you -_ a truth that left unsaid but i want to believe you've never forgotten. it hurts that i have imagined, and you don't know how much i wish things could have been different to us. the memory of you is enough to cause pain and whenever i remember your eyes and your following through on what we started. our story is a war that neither of us will win, but you do not give up even though i'm done, and the world we live in reduces in nothing but ashes.

(you ask me, to dust or to gold?)

—

the world pauses when a girl was born, one with eyes too hard too cold, one that stands so strong in the middle of this shattered universe, one that knows what she should give and take. she's the girl that i'm willing to fight for, to sacrifice myself because i need to and she deserves it (and because i know nothing to do if i don't, for i was born to protect her). i fight for her because she's all i've got to fight for. Then comes the crashing huntress, a blaze that catches my eyes but too bright for me to keep my eyes open. she burns into his memory with eyes of gold and heart of iron, she becomes _you_ in the phrase _you and i_ that fits in a sentence that never appears in a page of conclusion of a tale that no one wants to hear because there is no _us_ included. she represents for what i want to fight for, and i want to fight for her because i want to believe in tomorrow. if i did, she could become the sun that gets my hope, could show me what i know but fail to admit – there is always another choice.

(if)

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 **notes: if you have read that far, please leave a review.**

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